this past week

 It's been a pleasant first week back in my college town. This surprised me because when I went home for winter break, I left with a certain resentment for the place. My best friend (and roommate) have been working on our apartment to create a space we both feel comfortable in. Our living room is beautiful when I think about it.

Pinterest inspo

Last semester was especially tough on both of us, so we mutually agreed to improve ourselves and our surroundings, hence the apartment makeover. 

 Even though we've only had class for a few days, school is already looking better for me. I changed my major to a much more writing-focused option (journalism). I find it to be very well-suited for me. My best friend also changed her major to an artistic one. I think it suits her just fine, but I am not her, so I don't know what she truly thinks about it. 

This past weekend we decided to go thrifting in the neighboring cities. When I say this, you probably expect them to be under an hour away, and unfortunately, that is only true for one of them. 

Our living room!

If you don't know, I live in northern California and currently attend Chico State. If you know anything about Chico, is that it is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. At least when you are speaking about California. It has a lot of trees and that is the part I love most about it. I am from southern California. It is routine to see palm trees, which is a shame for me because I have grown to be apathetic towards them. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. 

Chico has two towns that are relatively close to it: Oroville and Red Bluff. These are the two that can be reached in under an hour by car. These are both kind of weird towns. That's the only way I can really describe them. 

If you keep going north past Red Bluff, you end up in Redding, which is a city that is much more recognizable. If you keep going south past Oroville, you end up in Sacramento. On Friday, we slowly made our way to Redding, checking out thrift stores on the way up, and looking for nice wall decor for our house. We got a few things, a mosaic mirror and a nice fan to hang up. 

On Saturday, we ended up in a place called Yuba City, after heading to Oroville. Yuba City is the biggest city besides Chico around here, so they have all of the fun stores that we like. We also ended up going to lots of thrift stores in this area. 

Most of the roads that you have to drive on to get to other towns are sandwiched between farms and orchards with trees that are in uniform lines. In between the bundles of trees sometimes there are open patches of long, unmanicured grass. These are the best parts of these roads. 

Most days, there is a slight wind that makes the grass dance in front of you. Saturday was no different. The grass made intricate hair-like patterns, which persuaded us to pull over and take some pictures standing on it. These ended up coming out nicely, even on our phones, which usually is not the case for us. 

Lots of poor choices were made regarding our outfits. It was cold but for some reason, we decided to dress like it was a nice late spring morning in April. Realistically it was a blustery January afternoon that quickly turned into a dark, dry evening. 

This weekend has greatly changed my opinion of this city and its surroundings. I always found it beautiful, but for the first time, I can actually see myself living in it, cherishing everything it has to offer. That's all I have for now, until next time. Cheers!

falling behind and feeling guilty talking about myself

 I was trying to write my about me section for this blog, when I suddenly started to go off a strange tangent about struggling to feel like I belong in my subset of peers. These first few paragraphs are what I wrote before I decided I must make this a separate post, to not take away from the simple about me page. 

I spend a lot of my free time thinking about possible lives I could be living. I always wonder what my future looks like. I don't know if that is part of how things are always supposed to go (why do I never try to live in the moment?) or if it'll pass (Fleabag reference). However, I will say that the times I spend fantasizing are the times that life feels the most fun to live. Do even the most successful people do this when they feel their own life is too mundane to live without letting their minds wander? I don't know. 

This was intended to be more of an introduction and it turned into something completely different. That is my fault, and I accept responsibility for that end. 

Obviously, I use this blog to write about pop culture that interests me, whether it is relevant or not (most of the time it really isn't), but I at least try to make it seem a little more interesting to someone who is not me. I also find that most people living my life are doing much more than I am, and I keep trying to remind myself that they probably really aren't and that I should just get over myself. 

Oftentimes when I write things like this, they come off as self-serving and pitiful, rather than just being forward about my feelings. Like the paragraph above, when I write 'people my age are doing much better than I am' what I really mean is 'people my age are doing normal people shit and I am sitting on the couch waiting for my TV to get connected to the internet again so I can simultaneously watch a movie and write this blog'. It's not glamorous. It's not pitiful either. It's just the off days when there isn't some crazy event to look forward to. And that's okay. 

I have a hard time talking about myself, even to my closest friends. Honestly, I would much rather hear what they want to say (about themselves, me, or whatever they want). The real reason is that I never know how I properly wish to articulate my thoughts. 

Even just now I was looking at the Grammarly tone suggestions, and that even told me that I was being assertive! I don't think I want my blog to sound assertive. I don't know if I've ever tried to make myself sound assertive in any of these posts. 

But the real thing I want to get into is why is it so difficult to acknowledge your own accomplishments? Am I an outlier when I feel weird mentioning something I've done well at, or does everyone feel the same?  Why do we feel like we are being self-centered when we are talking about our own feats? 

I am curious to find out if others feel the same way. Or if I'm just being weird. That's all I have for you today. Until next time, cheers!

the perfection of indie sleaze

 Maybe this is a biased post. It most likely is, and for that, I am going to apologize in advance. But, I feel like there is a small but growing community brewing within the depths of social media about an indie sleaze revival within the next few years. This particular statement is confusing to me because I feel like it hasn't even been that long since we were idolizing figures like Sky Ferreira (who is coincidentally releasing an album this year). However, trends in today's age change so quickly now that it only seems right that we circle back to the monumental late 2000s - early 2010s for pop culture consumption. 

There are tons of reasons why this kind of aesthetic was able to flourish. The economic recession greatly influenced media, especially music and fashion. On top of that, we were entering a new decade, social media was just truly starting to take off and turn into what it is today, and because of this, people started to idolize artists and honestly just random people who fit this mold. 

Tumblr was huge at the time, known for being a real "no filter" social media platform that broadcasted things like eating disorders and borderline (sometimes just flat-out) pornography. At this moment in time, I was still pretty young (I was about 10 or 11 when I first made my Tumblr account in 2015), but figures in the Indie Sleaze space were still prominent. 

By the way, when I talk about this music genre, I immediately think of LCD Soundsystem, MGMT, Justice, Vampire Weekend, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I also feel like this opened the door for loads of independent bands to start publishing their music. I'm not saying that they paved the way for this, but I definitely see some influence. 

We can not talk about the revival without mentioning Charli XCX, who I feel singlehandedly brought back the aesthetic with Brat. We're also all tired of talking about this goddamn album, sure, but I had to mention it. Within her circle, people like The Dare are also working to remind people of this style of music. 

The reason I say that this post is biased is because I am a huge fan of this aesthetic as a whole. I would say this is my favorite kind of mainstream music at the moment, and I hope it sees the light of day again so I can actually live through it!! I also see huge potential for this to make a comeback because everyone is tired of these 'clean girl' aesthetics. Indie Sleaze is messy, imperfect, trashy, whatever you want to call it but that's what makes it so chic, in my opinion. 

Anyway, this practically sums it up-- will Indie Sleaze actually make a comeback or is it going to stay a small subset forever? I guess we will have to check back in at the end of the year and see. That's all I have to offer today, until next time. Cheers!

2025 ins and outs

It's a brand new year. Yay! Here is my list of things I need to let go while also making the list of things I need to bring back. I find a lot of peace in doing this routine every year. There is less pressure than a resolution. Also, know that most of these are personal to me, and I am not attempting to influence you into living a life that doesn't seem fit for you. 

Let's also notice that there are significantly more "Ins" than "Outs". Because I want to incorporate more things into my life rather than deteriorate the one I am already living! Cheers.