Uncertainty is something I know will be a constant throughout my life, like a friend holding my hand. I deeply struggle to grow into the uncertainty, and to understand that everyone has it and is probably experiencing the same emotions as me. Nowhere is this feeling more prominent than in the career path I chose, journalism.
The thing is, I love writing and connecting with a large audience. I like the principles of journalism and its importance in our societal function. It is necessary. But, do I really see myself covering hard news for the rest of my life? Honestly, no. And that's not the kind of journalist I would strive to be.
Before I even changed my major about two years ago, I imagined that was the life I was destined for: living in a cramped apartment, books and papers strewn about and all I can focus on is my hectic work schedule. Enticing, but simply, it felt as though it were a distraction to something much greater.
It might be immature to assume that is the only life path available with my degree, which I know is not true. However, seeing friends and peers graduate and move on to their careers, they have all seemed to fall in line and pursue a similar lifestyle to what I described above. That thought alone makes the idea of myself moving on with my career to be a very real choice I've made. How can I know that I'm on the right track?
I'm young, there's lots of life left. Even though it's easy to give into all the possible "what-ifs" and "could-haves", the strength to accept the current life path must prevail. But truly, sometimes it also feels like I am destined for something greater--is that too selfish of me to assume? Even though the idea of fading into the background seems comfortable, there are parts of me that call out to this fantasy and are increasingly hard for me to ignore.
Fantasy is wild because you really can believe yourself to be anything. Truthfully, I can't even imagine would my "something greater" would even look like. Do I have hobbies and passions? Yes. Do I want to devote my entire soul and being into one single thing? I don't know. I am not one of those people who are placed on Earth and are destined to one thing, like they were born to do it.
I was always kind of jealous of those people. Effortless.
But at the end of the day, I'm a broke college student who still believes the world revolves around her...how unique. I hope I don't come off as too whiny here, it's hard for me to talk about these kind of feelings without feeling like some self-obsessed freak. Anyway, that's all I have for today. Until next time, cheers!