little video

 I made a small video for a class I'm in, but I quite like it and I want to share it here too! The song is Duk Koo Kim by Sun Kil Moon, one of my favorite songs of all time! I hope you like it. 

new year same life

 Hello all, it's been so long since I've last seen you! I thought I would engage with this blog a bit more over my winter break, but honestly, I was just not motivated at all! 

I had a pretty rough winter break in terms of my family, someone close to me has passed and I think it's the first time I've really truly struggled with a loss. I had another relative die, but I was too mentally young to process it. 

I returned back to my college town and was greeted with the same bitter cold I reluctantly abandoned about a month ago. It's not even that I missed it, but that I longed for it when the southern air became too thick with salty ocean air for my tired lungs.

Something takes it out of me when I go home to southern California. I feel like I become a completely different version of myself, slipping away from my grounded soul in northern California.

The funny thing is, too, is that I don't even necessarily love northern California or what is in it. I simply long for the life I have built on my own the the constituents who take part in it. I miss my friends. I miss my apartment which houses those friends when I want to have a party. I miss the city that takes place in. 

Even though I haven't done much since I returned, there is a particular weight that gets lifted up from my chest when I am away from my previous life. Like I have no responsibility, like I don't owe anyone anything. 

School feels like a drag this semester. I don't feel like I am going to love my classes like I did last semester, and that's ok. It just makes my miniscule motivation levels dwindle even more. There's even a class I have that only allows two (2) absences for the whole semester! This is horrible news for someone like me, who loves to miss out on a class every once in a while (at least five times per semester).

It truly isn't a problem for me, though. I can still keep up with the class while not necessarily taking part in the in-person events of it. I don't think that will pass as an explanation to my professors, but it's worth pleading a case to you. 

Other than school, the only thing consuming my life right now is reality television! This is so funny for someone like me, because I never watched reality TV until this year. The show that got me hooked was none other than The Traitors, a Peacock original. 

If you don't know the plot of the show, essentially a bunch of reality TV (and other famous adjacent people) gather in a mansion in the Scottish countryside, hosted by Alan Cumming, and they all must indulge in a murderous survival game. A grand prize is earned throughout the show through missions, and the contestants must figure out who the traitors are if they want to win the prize. It's truly such a good premise, and people are willing to get nasty with each other it's really shocking.

My friends and I watched season three in less than five days. We just loved all of the people they had on: Dylan Efron (yes), BOSTON ROB!!, Bob the Drag Queen, etc.  All of them were just fabulous in the show. 

Don't even get me started on the cast of season four...ROB RAUSCH, Lisa Rinna, Tara Lipinski?! I can't wait to catch up with the season. 

Reality TV makes me feel like I learn about people's thought processes. I see their decisions being made based on relationships they have and the ones they don't. I'd like to believe my empathy grows with each episode I consume, even if that isn't entirely true. 

This year I feel a lot of change is going to spring up in my life. I'm excited, but I'm also nervous. I want to see what the world is going to offer me, and I plan on accepting it with an open embrace. 

Obviously my intentions remain pure to upload more on this blog, but I don't want to stay too firm in case I break my promise yet again. Until next time, cheers! 

one year anniversary!

Hey everyone, it's been a while! 

It's officially been one year since I started this blog, and I can't believe it's been that long. I will say even though it's been a year, I've really only been active on here for like six months. 

Things have changed in my life, most definitely. I thought I would post some highlights of the past year and share some of my favorite memories! 

I met the sweetest cat in my neighborhood, I think she was a kitten when I first met her. She was just so sweet and made me think about how special her features were! Siamese colors are my soft spot in cats, and she was quite literally that. 

This was taken in January of this year, when I was feeling pretty down about myself. I found a lot of solace in visiting these stray cats when I needed some time to myself, it was very therapeutic

. 

This photo was taken by my beautiful best friend, Megan. She took a photography class, and got really into taking photos wherever we journeyed to. 

I go to school in Northern California, and I feel like I am always blown away by how beautiful it is. This is literally just off the side of the road. 

I remember thinking this photo was one of my favorites of myself. I just feel like I look like a nomad, so different to the person I actually am. This was also taken in January, but I just had to include this because it's just too good! 

At this point, I decided I needed to do more in my community, because I was feeling pretty isolated and lonely. This is the first time I lived away from home, and I was unsure of my surroundings. 

This is a photo of our dear friend, BW, the apartment complex cat. We have a complicated relationship with her, starting with the name we bestowed upon her: She is simply called BW because it stands for Bitch Warlock. She's honestly evil sometimes, it's so confusing.

Coincidentally, the name is a double entendre because she also looks like a bat, hence why she could also be called Batwoman (BW). 

Basically every time we sit out on our balcony, she'll pay us a visit -- some happier than others. She's really sweet when she wants to be, but when she's mean she's mean...such a complex girl. 

Wow, moving into April it was so hard for me to choose a picture to describe it. This is really when things start turning around, and I'm starting to feel more secure about living up here. 

At this point, I've finally made some good friends, and I'm spending much more time on campus. 

This baby goat was some sort of therapy goat, not sure why but my friends and I all had an opportunity to hold one and we couldn't pass that up. Spring is so beautiful here.

Surprise! We went to California's capitol building. This is right after spring semester ended, and one of our best friends from home came to visit us! We also ended up going to San Francisco, which you will also be seeing a photo from. 

Sacramento was honestly so beautiful, but it felt so empty and, dare I say, almost soulless. It felt like a ghost town -- the streets were completely emptied and basically every corner. Almost a little eerie. 

This is my San Francisco photo, mostly because I don't have as many as I may have initially thought. I've been many times before, but I had never visited the Painted Ladies until this trip! 

One of our dear friends lives in SF, and she very graciously lets us stay at her house when we come to visit. We've also had the best gluten free fried chicken here, just so good. 

I always have such a fun time when I'm here, I feel like such a city girl! I would love to go back soon. 

Moving into the summer, I went back home to spend it with my family and friends. Almost all of our friends went home for the summer too, and the weather can get extremely hot where I go to school. I'd rather not deal with that mess.

I taught myself how to play the drums this summer because I felt like I needed a hobby, and because I mainly just find them to be so fascinating. 

My dad also plays the bass, and I was able to play some songs with a real band -- even if they were a bunch of dads, I didn't mind. I also (reluctantly) got a job at a cafe, making coffee and selling pastries and whatnot...it was fine.

I also turned 21 (yay!!) and spent a lot of time outdoors. My best friend turned 22, and we partied hard, naturally. I'm just kidding, we're really not the partying type, but it was still a great time. 

Moving into September, we're back in school and back with our lovely friends. To celebrate, we decided to make paper portraits of ourselves (maybe not realistic, but more of an artistic representation). 

And let me tell you, I had such a fun time doing this. Every time I look at photos like this, I'm just reminded of how wonderful of friends I have, and how lucky I am to have found them. 

My first semester in college was really hard for me, mainly because I just wasn't putting myself out there in social situations and then I was wondering why I was feeling so depressed and lonely. I'm also naturally very introverted, which definitely didn't play to my advantage

That brings us to right now, November 2025! I'm really grateful for everything that has happened this semester, even when there has been hardships.

I've tried my best to expand my circle, which is working. 

Finally being surrounded with people who care about me is something I do not plan on taking for granted. 

That pretty much sums it up for me right now, but I hope this post was able to bring some context into the year I've been having. See you very soon, hopefully. Until next time, cheers!