falling behind and feeling guilty talking about myself

 I was trying to write my about me section for this blog, when I suddenly started to go off a strange tangent about struggling to feel like I belong in my subset of peers. These first few paragraphs are what I wrote before I decided I must make this a separate post, to not take away from the simple about me page. 

I spend a lot of my free time thinking about possible lives I could be living. I always wonder what my future looks like. I don't know if that is part of how things are always supposed to go (why do I never try to live in the moment?) or if it'll pass (Fleabag reference). However, I will say that the times I spend fantasizing are the times that life feels the most fun to live. Do even the most successful people do this when they feel their own life is too mundane to live without letting their minds wander? I don't know. 

This was intended to be more of an introduction and it turned into something completely different. That is my fault, and I accept responsibility for that end. 

Obviously, I use this blog to write about pop culture that interests me, whether it is relevant or not (most of the time it really isn't), but I at least try to make it seem a little more interesting to someone who is not me. I also find that most people living my life are doing much more than I am, and I keep trying to remind myself that they probably really aren't and that I should just get over myself. 

Oftentimes when I write things like this, they come off as self-serving and pitiful, rather than just being forward about my feelings. Like the paragraph above, when I write 'people my age are doing much better than I am' what I really mean is 'people my age are doing normal people shit and I am sitting on the couch waiting for my TV to get connected to the internet again so I can simultaneously watch a movie and write this blog'. It's not glamorous. It's not pitiful either. It's just the off days when there isn't some crazy event to look forward to. And that's okay. 

I have a hard time talking about myself, even to my closest friends. Honestly, I would much rather hear what they want to say (about themselves, me, or whatever they want). The real reason is that I never know how I properly wish to articulate my thoughts. 

Even just now I was looking at the Grammarly tone suggestions, and that even told me that I was being assertive! I don't think I want my blog to sound assertive. I don't know if I've ever tried to make myself sound assertive in any of these posts. 

But the real thing I want to get into is why is it so difficult to acknowledge your own accomplishments? Am I an outlier when I feel weird mentioning something I've done well at, or does everyone feel the same?  Why do we feel like we are being self-centered when we are talking about our own feats? 

I am curious to find out if others feel the same way. Or if I'm just being weird. That's all I have for you today. Until next time, cheers!