one year anniversary!

Hey everyone, it's been a while! 

It's officially been one year since I started this blog, and I can't believe it's been that long. I will say even though it's been a year, I've really only been active on here for like six months. 

Things have changed in my life, most definitely. I thought I would post some highlights of the past year and share some of my favorite memories! 

I met the sweetest cat in my neighborhood, I think she was a kitten when I first met her. She was just so sweet and made me think about how special her features were! Siamese colors are my soft spot in cats, and she was quite literally that. 

This was taken in January of this year, when I was feeling pretty down about myself. I found a lot of solace in visiting these stray cats when I needed some time to myself, it was very therapeutic

. 

This photo was taken by my beautiful best friend, Megan. She took a photography class, and got really into taking photos wherever we journeyed to. 

I go to school in Northern California, and I feel like I am always blown away by how beautiful it is. This is literally just off the side of the road. 

I remember thinking this photo was one of my favorites of myself. I just feel like I look like a nomad, so different to the person I actually am. This was also taken in January, but I just had to include this because it's just too good! 

At this point, I decided I needed to do more in my community, because I was feeling pretty isolated and lonely. This is the first time I lived away from home, and I was unsure of my surroundings. 

This is a photo of our dear friend, BW, the apartment complex cat. We have a complicated relationship with her, starting with the name we bestowed upon her: She is simply called BW because it stands for Bitch Warlock. She's honestly evil sometimes, it's so confusing.

Coincidentally, the name is a double entendre because she also looks like a bat, hence why she could also be called Batwoman (BW). 

Basically every time we sit out on our balcony, she'll pay us a visit -- some happier than others. She's really sweet when she wants to be, but when she's mean she's mean...such a complex girl. 

Wow, moving into April it was so hard for me to choose a picture to describe it. This is really when things start turning around, and I'm starting to feel more secure about living up here. 

At this point, I've finally made some good friends, and I'm spending much more time on campus. 

This baby goat was some sort of therapy goat, not sure why but my friends and I all had an opportunity to hold one and we couldn't pass that up. Spring is so beautiful here.

Surprise! We went to California's capitol building. This is right after spring semester ended, and one of our best friends from home came to visit us! We also ended up going to San Francisco, which you will also be seeing a photo from. 

Sacramento was honestly so beautiful, but it felt so empty and, dare I say, almost soulless. It felt like a ghost town -- the streets were completely emptied and basically every corner. Almost a little eerie. 

This is my San Francisco photo, mostly because I don't have as many as I may have initially thought. I've been many times before, but I had never visited the Painted Ladies until this trip! 

One of our dear friends lives in SF, and she very graciously lets us stay at her house when we come to visit. We've also had the best gluten free fried chicken here, just so good. 

I always have such a fun time when I'm here, I feel like such a city girl! I would love to go back soon. 

Moving into the summer, I went back home to spend it with my family and friends. Almost all of our friends went home for the summer too, and the weather can get extremely hot where I go to school. I'd rather not deal with that mess.

I taught myself how to play the drums this summer because I felt like I needed a hobby, and because I mainly just find them to be so fascinating. 

My dad also plays the bass, and I was able to play some songs with a real band -- even if they were a bunch of dads, I didn't mind. I also (reluctantly) got a job at a cafe, making coffee and selling pastries and whatnot...it was fine.

I also turned 21 (yay!!) and spent a lot of time outdoors. My best friend turned 22, and we partied hard, naturally. I'm just kidding, we're really not the partying type, but it was still a great time. 

Moving into September, we're back in school and back with our lovely friends. To celebrate, we decided to make paper portraits of ourselves (maybe not realistic, but more of an artistic representation). 

And let me tell you, I had such a fun time doing this. Every time I look at photos like this, I'm just reminded of how wonderful of friends I have, and how lucky I am to have found them. 

My first semester in college was really hard for me, mainly because I just wasn't putting myself out there in social situations and then I was wondering why I was feeling so depressed and lonely. I'm also naturally very introverted, which definitely didn't play to my advantage

That brings us to right now, November 2025! I'm really grateful for everything that has happened this semester, even when there has been hardships.

I've tried my best to expand my circle, which is working. 

Finally being surrounded with people who care about me is something I do not plan on taking for granted. 

That pretty much sums it up for me right now, but I hope this post was able to bring some context into the year I've been having. See you very soon, hopefully. Until next time, cheers! 

seasonal depression and cyclical damage to the soul

 School is officially swinging for me, and it probably is for you, too. Whenever the aching routine of my class schedule dulls my senses, I start to find myself slipping into these strange pockets of sadness and stagnation. 

Instead of holding on to these feelings -- as I have unsuccessfully done every year -- I want to be ahead of the curve this year. However, it's starting to happen and I can feel the sinking of the quicksand slowly start to fill up my shoes, inevitably weighing my body down into the muck. 

Autumn is my favorite season where I go to college, because the towering, sprawling green trees start to lose their elegant leaves, the air is crisp and the unforgiving sun starts to shrink behind landscapes of clouds in the sky. 

How troubling it is to have this seesaw of loving everything that is happening around me, yet internally feeling  the worst I've felt all year. Simply put, I think this is the time of year that my friends and I can collectively agree how much we love and hate it. 

A classic sign of this cyclical harm is when I overeat, over-indulge in the things I love or basically any form of greed (or gluttony, I guess it could be either). I know it is happening, and even though I want to stop, there is something in me that keeps going despite my brain fighting against it. I suppose this is going to be much personal than I initially thought. 

I also feel pretty distant from almost everyone in my life. I have been struggling to connect and engage with those around me. 

This is not supposed to be an entry where I complain about how "terrible" my life is, so I'm done complaining about these miniscule things. 

Basically, this is a post that hopefully will hold me to some standards (please) for the rest of this season...maybe I can even check in later to see how I'm holding up -- though I don't want to commit to this yet because sadly I tend to forget about this website every now and then. 

Here are the essentials, in list form:

• Going on a walk for at least 30 minutes a day
• Smoking less
• I'd like to add that I mean shorter smoking sessions -- mindfulness
• Eating more fruits and vegetables 
• I never would have thought this would be a problem for me, yet here I am
• Not going on social media when I think I have nothing to do 
• Read a book
• Take more photos of what I see

I definitely believe this list will be ongoing until I am satisfied, and when I (hopefully!!) do I check in at the end of this year, I will show you what has been added to the list, and maybe what has been removed (though I really doubt anything is going to be removed from this list). 

Well, that's all I have to add for now! Until next time, cheers!

what really makes a summer great

Hello, again. 

Slowly but surely am I working through a routine of writing regularly on here. Hoorah! What better way to get into writing again than talking about myself and my summertime habits.

Upon coming home, I was greeted by my family warmly, then quickly thrown out into the cold again, tasked with finding a job for the summer. Obviously, I'm exaggerating here. Getting a job is not the end of the world, even when you're a privileged college girl like me. 

 Nevertheless, I got a job at a local restaurant and worked frequently throughout the summer. Almost to a point where I felt like there was no time to enjoy anything else! Sorely mistaken, I was. 

This summer I must confess that I
developed some addictions I'm not proud of, and maybe some that I am proud of. Here's the short list:

1. Music, again (see my last post about AnCo)
2. Playing the drums
3. Smoking weed (uh oh)
   
4. Laying in patches of grass

Not as long of a list as I thought, but I think it's good enough. Yes, these four things are quite literally the only things that consumed my precious three months of me time. 

This summer felt very pivotal in my life. I had a lot of little moments that I was able to actually savor, remember and recall often. This summer was also a moment in my life where I actually felt comfortable in my skin for the first time in a while. 

I am naturally a person who is very self-conscious which can quickly turn into self-obsession if I am not careful. For a while, it felt like I was never able to fully enjoy myself because I was so worried about what people would think about me based on my actions or looks. It was hard to be able to recognize this intense fog of judgement and worry that circled me.

Freeing is the only way I can describe the way this summer felt. Feelings that were absolutely rooted deep within my inner self were practically crawling out of my mouth -- things that I never knew I felt about myself, my family, my friends and total strangers. 

Personally, I was shocked with myself. Like, wow, I really am a person who is capable of having naturally complex thoughts! I didn't have to have someone tell me what my opinion on an issue has to be (another part of a self-conscious person is following what everyone else thinks to fit in). And admittedly, yes, I was like this until recently. 

It's ok to feel this way, if you feel like this sometimes. Obviously, why would I be talking about it if it wasn't!

But I guess introspection isn't the only thing I did this summer. It is a privilege to see the things I see on a regular basis, especially being from southern California. I went to Catalina Island this summer, which is known for it's incredible nature preserve. 

The preserve contains animals like buffalo, who were brought to the island for a movie filming, and never left. Even though they were introduced to the island by humans, they actually serve a purpose for the island's ecosystem--something I learned on a tour I took with my family. 

We ended up getting super close to one of the buffalo, as it was on the trail that the tour goes on. Something always ignites in me when I see creatures of this size. I am simply reminded we are not the most incredible or magnificent creature this world has to offer. We are just a lucky coincidence.

Catalina's ocean was so clear, it made me almost forget that I live right next to one, too! It felt almost exotic, like we were somewhere halfway around the world. 

The streets were lined with homes and businesses in a way that felt European--buildings were almost stacked on top of each other, pieces of each spilling over into the next. The town itself is very small, only taking up about 15 or 20 percent of the island, so they need to use their space wisely. 

There's not much else to say about that trip except the fact that I had to get insanely stoned to make it on the treacherous voyage that would be taking the one hour ferry to the mainland. I had to do this because on the way there, I aggressively threw up over the side of the boat three times, where every single person on the boat could see. Definitely wanted to avoid that kind of attention the second time around. 

Even though this summer was filled with great moments spent with family and friends doing the things I love, I really have no other takeaway from this season than how my path of thinking has greatly changed, yet opened my eyes. 

That's about all I have for this post, until next time. Cheers!