a fun week(end) with my friends!

 This post is a little more exciting than the other ones I've been making recently, yippee!! But seriously, I am super lucky to have friends in my life who are willing to come visit me on the other side of the great state of California. Two of my friends came up to see my best friend and me and also to celebrate Halloween with us. 

It was a really fun weekend overall, and I thought I would share some of my favorite moments here! This was my costume on Halloween night; I went as a sad clown with two of my friends, Jake and Megan. The toughest time of the whole trip was finding things to do, and we definitely struggled on this night for things to do. For our main event, we decided to go to a house show for a little bit, but we ultimately ended up walking around the city for most of the night because we weren't sure what else there was to do. There should be some context here: the city we go to school in has an issue with unsafe Halloween events occurring on the actual weekend Halloween falls on, so everyone throws parties the weekend before. Until we actually went to school here, we didn't know this, so we told our friends to come up thinking there would be tons of stuff to do when in reality there wasn't. We still made the most of it though and I think we all enjoyed ourselves pretty well this night. 

The next day, we did virtually nothing, because it was raining the whole time we were awake. It was a much-needed rest day for everyone. We spent the day playing board games and talking about ourselves. 

Brace yourselves because this is the day when things get crazy (I'm kidding, kind of). We live very close to a national park with a volcanic mountain in it, and since it rained all day on Friday, we decided Saturday would be a great opportunity to see the snow if it was cold enough at the mountain. So, we made the hour and a half drive up, and sure enough there was almost two feet of snow on the ground by November 2nd! This was also my best friend's first time seeing snow that she remembers. I am so grateful that she had a good experience because honestly, I was a little nervous there would be nothing left on the ground. 

It was the right kind of snow too! The powdery kind that you can fall into without hurting yourself (though to be honest, we all tried to fall into the snow and we all hurt our heads, whoops). I have never lived in snow before, so I'm sure this doesn't seem nearly as magical if you live somewhere like Illinois or something, bear with me. 

This weekend taught me a lot about my friendships, and how important they are to a person's life. I am so grateful I have these wonderful people in my life that I can talk to about anything. Living away from home is hard, but it's really only like this because I've lost a majority of my support system. I am just so extremely lucky that I live with my best friend who understands me so deeply. If you are to receive anything in your life, I truly hope that everyone receives a best friend. 

Well, I suppose this concludes my weekend, even though I am quite literally almost three weeks late with this post. I hope that if this reaches you, I am thinking of you fondly and I want everyone to feel loved right now. Until next time, cheers!

why am i feeling lonely?

 Hi guys, a little bit of a selfish topic I wanted to talk about today, mostly because it has been on my mind the most recently. Around this time of year, I tend to feel extremely strong feelings of loneliness when there really is no reason to feel this way. I find myself spending a lot of time alone, even when I have many people around me I love. It's most likely because this time of year is when it gets dark earlier at night, and the weather is less warm. 

So, basically what I just described to you is seasonal depression. In general, I think I'm a pretty depressed person, or at least my point of happiness is pretty low in comparison to other people. Loneliness has been on my mind especially this year because this is my first time living away from my family. I live with my best friend, but sometimes I think I get too overwhelmed and I have to be by myself for a while. 

I wanted to put this out there because I feel like not a lot of people talk about this feeling when they have it. At least I know I don't tell the people in my life because I don't want to sound rude or make it seem like they aren't doing enough. 

The thing is, I am not sure how I would go about solving this issue. I get overwhelmed and want to spend time with myself, but when I spend time with myself I get an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Not sure how to approach this vicious cycle. Today was the first day that it rained for more than an hour. I think that is what made me feel the need to type this out. I usually love the rain, but this one felt a little more sad than usual. I found myself doing a lot of introspection on the choices I've made, and how they have changed my life. 

When I think too much about my choices, I think too much of the other possibilities rather than the one I am in. All of the different possibilities of choices I make are little streams of water that eventually conjoins into one big flowing river when it all comes down to it. The chances are, even when there are so many more possibilities out there, the stream you flow with is the one that you are supposed to pick because it's the life you are living at this moment. I suppose this statement is a lot more self-soothing than it is to help anyone who is reading this. 

Anyway, I feel like this has leaned away from a feeling into a philosophical movement that I really don't want to partake in right now. I am sorry if this comes off as weird or too vulnerable. But what does too vulnerable even mean. Until next time!