why am i feeling lonely?

 Hi guys, a little bit of a selfish topic I wanted to talk about today, mostly because it has been on my mind the most recently. Around this time of year, I tend to feel extremely strong feelings of loneliness when there really is no reason to feel this way. I find myself spending a lot of time alone, even when I have many people around me I love. It's most likely because this time of year is when it gets dark earlier at night, and the weather is less warm. 

So, basically what I just described to you is seasonal depression. In general, I think I'm a pretty depressed person, or at least my point of happiness is pretty low in comparison to other people. Loneliness has been on my mind especially this year because this is my first time living away from my family. I live with my best friend, but sometimes I think I get too overwhelmed and I have to be by myself for a while. 

I wanted to put this out there because I feel like not a lot of people talk about this feeling when they have it. At least I know I don't tell the people in my life because I don't want to sound rude or make it seem like they aren't doing enough. 

The thing is, I am not sure how I would go about solving this issue. I get overwhelmed and want to spend time with myself, but when I spend time with myself I get an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Not sure how to approach this vicious cycle. Today was the first day that it rained for more than an hour. I think that is what made me feel the need to type this out. I usually love the rain, but this one felt a little more sad than usual. I found myself doing a lot of introspection on the choices I've made, and how they have changed my life. 

When I think too much about my choices, I think too much of the other possibilities rather than the one I am in. All of the different possibilities of choices I make are little streams of water that eventually conjoins into one big flowing river when it all comes down to it. The chances are, even when there are so many more possibilities out there, the stream you flow with is the one that you are supposed to pick because it's the life you are living at this moment. I suppose this statement is a lot more self-soothing than it is to help anyone who is reading this. 

Anyway, I feel like this has leaned away from a feeling into a philosophical movement that I really don't want to partake in right now. I am sorry if this comes off as weird or too vulnerable. But what does too vulnerable even mean. Until next time!